Thursday, March 14, 2013

The Man in the Iron Mask




The Man in the Iron Mask
         I use the name of the famous book as analogy for my opinion about an important issue. This story is about a fictional character named Ty. I know this story might be slightly exaggerated and blunt, but I do feel it will meet its purpose. Although it is fictional, I have seen this in many males of almost every age today. I of myself have had to face this problem square in the face, and decide what I am going to do and be as result. I know that this is not an all-inclusive treaty on the subject, but I feel that it does represent real life issues. Lastly, I have sped up the circumstances and situations to get the reader right into the meat of the problem. This post is used to illustrate a sad, and very unfortunate state of affairs of the modern male sex.
         Ty is a senior in high school. He is a normal kid, not one of any real problems of any mental, emotional, or physical kind. He is tall for seventeen. He reaches six foot three, with an athletic build. He plays football and basketball on the varsity team. Ty is pretty popular, and enjoys his life of open attention. He could get any girl in school to date him if he wanted to; or at least that is what his posy of guys tells him daily. After a few years of this kind of feeding, going from grade to grade, Ty has even started to believe it himself.
Ty has a little sister three years younger, who is very sickly. She has had some unknown biological disease since birth. She is small, and not exactly pretty. When both Ty and his sister were kids, they were pretty close. Ty protected her from other people. He had a strong and loving connection with her. Everyday he would help her out of the car to walk into school. Everyday he would eat lunch with her, and spend time with her in the hallways.
But as time does its magic of transforming a boy into a man, that childlike love began to fade. Their once affectionate relationship changed. At first Ty began to get annoyed with his shy sickly sister. She would come up to him at school, while his friends surrounded him and ask him a question. Those that didn’t know that they were siblings would stare at her in obvious disbelief that someone like her would have the nerve to speak to him. Normally Ty was kind and tender to his poor little sister. But he was around his friends, and in mixed company. The girls in the throng watched Ty with obvious interest to see what he would do to repulse this forlorn intruder. Kindness and love were for babies, not for tall handsome football dudes. It was like the unspoken rule of the male universe. He knew it. So did everybody else. Plus he had to keep his reputation up, as a masculine alpha male didn’t right? Ty found himself in an uncomfortable position. So he just ignored her completely. This happened more than once. His poor decrepit sister would cry and slink away. Guilt would sweep throughout his whole body at this moment. He would feel this awful burning in his eyes. He would say to himself, looking after her small huddled figure, I love you sister. I do. I am sorry. I just can’t say it now. There are people here, and I don’t want them to see…I don’t know, I just can’t. Big, tall, handsome, and masculine Ty would be almost at the brink of tears for shame. But he had to stay in control. That was the whole point. Showing emotions was weak. So he could only suppress this waging battle within himself. The other kids, especially the girls were always watching him—like he was some kind of prey.
After these first few situations happened, (when no one else was around,) Ty would tell his sister that he loved her. He asked her to not come up to him when he was with his friends though. She told him she was sorry that she was making his life difficult, and wouldn’t do it again. She was true to her word. What a good sister she was.
That year went on. For Ty, things only got better. He became the football captain and started to date Alice Wood—the cutest most popular girl in school. Ty was so drawn away in his fantasy world of cool kids around the block, that he neglected his sister all together. Ty didn’t know how to be a good, loving brother AND the football star all at the same time. Both seemed like they couldn’t coexist. Ty was in inner turmoil. He felt trapped, frustrated, cornered by the world and everyone in it at large. He felt like he couldn’t escape from his feelings for his little sister, but also from what was expected of him by everyone else as a strong soon to be man. He felt like a prisoner, trying to hide his true identity behind an Iron Mast of emotion—that is, no emotions. Or as it was called, more appropriately, the Iron Mask of man’s emotions.
Gentleness, kindness and affection were not a football stars touch down goals. They were for weak, girly, or momma’s boys. Those kinds of things were for lesser men. It was for guys that couldn’t make it in the world of males; so they tried to flirt with the line of both sexes to find a home. These were the very things that Ty swore he wasn’t when he pounded his fist on the bathroom sink every morning. But then, he would look up at himself in the mirror. When he did, he found tears in his eyes, and some streaming down his cheeks. This angered him more than ever. He didn’t even know he had been crying. He couldn’t feel the tears. His very soul was betraying it’s self. It was as if he was at war with an unknown being who lived inside his mind and heart. What he wanted to see when he looked into the mirror was to see a Bruce Willis and Brad Pitt staring back at him. But day after day, he only saw a boy in tears—wearing a cold black Iron Mask.
 Ty wanted to be there for his sister. He wanted to go to her room every morning after his stare down with the Man in the Iron Mask. But he didn’t know how to do that in a manly way. He didn’t know how to take the mask off, and still find himself behind it. He couldn’t even walk into her room now. He didn’t want her to see him cry. Ty never cried. Or so everyone thought. This continual confusion resulted in bitterness towards his life of long ago affection.
After High school Graduation, Ty was preparing to go to Boston College on a full ride football scholarship. He worked full time, and did various things. All the while he still couldn’t figure out what and how he should behave. If he should be this stoic no ‘pain nothing fazes me type of guy, or the one that says I am sorry if that hurt your feelings, I shouldn’t have done or said that type of guy.’ And quite frankly, he stopped beginning to care. It was easier not to care. But he met the Man in the Iron Mask every morning at his sink, staring back at him whether he cared or not.
 His relationship with is little sister hadn’t gotten any better in this furtherance of time. She became more ill by the day. She couldn’t go out, and she rarely left her pink walled room. In fact, he strangely despised her. It is you’re fault I am feeling this way, Ty would sometimes think to himself. Where love and caring once were, resentment and anger now ruled.
Ty went away to college. He tried his best to forget all that happened to him in High school. He tried to become a new man. He told himself everyday while putting on his Air Jordan’s “You’re a man now Ty. You can’t let the past hurt you. You can’t let ANYTHING hurt you. You’re made of iron. You’ve never cried in your life!” Looking up, he saw himself in the mirror. The Man in the Iron Mask was there gawking back nonchalantly.
Ty lied to himself this way for weeks and months at a time. Soon, a year past.
Meanwhile, Ty’s little sister started to loose the ability to walk. She was bed ridden. Quickly following the loss of her legs, she began to loose her vision. Even though her eyes were growing dim with darkness she would cry and call out for Ty: Her big brother, her protector, and her friend. Her mother was at a loss of what to do for her. The doctor’s said she didn’t have long.
 Ty’s mother soon called to tell him to come home. She told him that his sister was dying. She begged and cried and implored him on the phone to come home. All Ty could do, was mumble, “Sure.” Looking up from his chair, he caught the mirror in his sight. There he was, majestic as ever, the cold, staring, unmoving eyes, peeping out of the Iron Mask.
Ty flew home that weekend. His mother came to get him. He got home, and was ushered into his sister’s pink colored paradise at once. He stumbled in awkwardly to her bedside. She was breathing heavy, and slow. She turned her sick little face towards her pillar of granite of a brother and said with a sigh, “Ty…I..I have missed you.” Ty stood there shaking from head to foot. He was holding in something that he didn’t understand, nor had the guts to let escape. He just shook his head in acknowledgment. He didn’t dare open his mouth for fear it would betray him. His sister reached for his hand, but couldn’t reach. Ty wanted to take it in his, but he knew, oh yes, he knew if he did all would be lost. All of his hard work would be gone in an instant. He turned and walked firmly to the foot of the bed, and barely touched her covered foot. Rubbing it for a moment of silence, he then in terror of being overcome ran from the scene like he was being chased for committing murder. As he passed the hallway to the back door, he saw in the hall mirror a man with an Mask of Iron sealed firmly to his face.
That night, his sister died.
Alone, (she would not allow any other than her brother to come.) But no brother came.
She slipped away, to uncharted territory, with no brother to hold her hand in the quiet passing to the other side.
         Grief and pain were rampant, except where the Man in the Iron Mask was found. Trying to penetrate that black iron defense was like trying to chisel through a stonewall with a plastic butter knife.
That coming week, the funeral was to take place. Everything was arranged. Ty’s dear little sister’s body was soon in a casket of velvet. It was a gorgeous morning. The sky was blue, Mother Nature seemed at peace with the beautiful soul it was about to receive in its bosom. All was tranquil and silent. There were over a hundred people in attendance. The family and friends were gathered around the lone, single figure, lain in a coffin to rest. Songs were sung. Tears were shed by many, but not by all. It then came time, for final good byes.
This whole time, Ty stood straight, nobly, never moving, not even quivering. The Man in the Iron Mask that had become Ty was at its pinnacle of self-mastery. But Ty loathed himself with a resentment, and hatred that saw no bounds. He blamed himself for his sister’s death. He blamed society, and this sick world for making him think that to show compassion, love, kindness and gentleness to a small little girl was weak and degrading to his self image as a man. That if he were to do so, his value was decrease. He contemplated how he had falsely believed that to be a man, you had to be able to let go of anything, no matter the personal cost—and not care, or show any kind of emotional attachment to it. He raged within himself about the many uncounted number of times he could have shown his love and care for his sister—but now, he could not. He longed for her to come back more than he longed for the happiness and redemption of his own soul.
“TY!” his mother’s sharp voice shot through him. Ty shook visibly, like coming out of a trance. “Say good bye to your sister,” she said curtly, “heaven knows you missed your chance the first time.” This stung worse than any injury, and went deeper than any pain Ty had ever felt. But she was right. He deserved worse. He dragged his feet to the head of his sister’s casket.
Ty stood for what seemed like forever, rigid on the spot. Time stopped. All the faces of the hundred or more people blurred in his vision. He looked down at the now smiling face of his once lively and lovely sister. A ball, massive and growing was swelling inside him. An eruption that would make Old Faithful look like a popcorn popper was building deep down in his gut, and moving up his whole frame. It was as if his very soul was about to depart his body and make its exit out through his mouth.
         Ty collapsed at the head of his sister, his arms thrown around her, picking her up out of her casket and into his arms. A wail of grief and anguish pierced the eternities that blasted out of his soul. The sound would freeze the blood of the bravest of men in an instant. The pure volume coming out of his lungs was louder than any amp speaker invented by man. Ty had no idea HE was the one making that awful, soul-wrenching cry. All he knew, is that he had failed, and that his sister was gone. There were not single tears running down his face, but more of an open pouring faucet. He said in-between groans and wails, “I am sorry! I am so sorry! I loved you sister. I should have not cared what other people thought of me. I should have shown you love and kindness no matter where I was, or who could see me. I was confused, hurt, and not understanding what it really means to be a man. I know now. Thanks to you. I know that it is to be loving, kind, gentle and forgiving. I know that to be a real man, it means to deny yourself. It means to love, and to show that love. It is so much harder to love someone, than to hate them. It is so much easier to look down at a person, than to look up at them. Please sister, come back. I will be you’re man that you have always wanted and needed. I will, I will!” cried Ty over and over again. But, to no avail. All she could do, was smile back at him.
All at once Ty grabbed his own head violently as if he was trying to pull his own hair out by the roots. He then pulled off an imaginary mask of iron. He then stood up, and threw it with all the energy of his being! “I’m free,” Ty exclaimed to himself with relief, gladly feeling the tears of love and sorrow gushing down his raw cheeks. Ty then came to himself, and looked around him for the first time in utter surprise.
Everyone else screamed in fright from the wail of the banshee that had exploded out of Ty’s goliath like lungs. All was in commotion. Kids were crying, mothers and daughters were weeping at the scene of such brotherly grief. Most of the men were either crying or had tears in their eyes. It was a great moment for Ty to see. But it was short lived.
 ‘All’ wasn’t in commotion. Ty turned to look where the imaginary Iron Mask would have landed on the ground. To his despair, there was a pair of feet standing right in front of it. Ty looked at the ground, and then looked up the figure of the person standing there.
Ty looked straight into the face of the new owner of the Iron Mask. The owner looked back at him, cold, seemingly detached, unmoved by everything and everyone around him.
“Dad,” Ty mouthed in horror.



Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Rats in a lab


 Rats in a lab

So many people are confused by the nature of the work that I do. Which is understandable, it’s not really a conventional 9-5 mon-fri 40 hour a week kind of job. My kind of work is up and down, when it comes around (which really depends on how badly I want to work) and is never really the same twice. Of course it is similar, but no two different months or possibly weeks are ever the same.
Sometimes I get to hang out at work more than I have to actually work. Sit, and often lay down. Sometimes I get to read my favorite book. Sometimes I get to go on facebook and talk for long periods of time. Sometimes I get to watch Netflix, and other times I get to do whatever I want for hours and at time. Sometimes even, for days.
My job has a huge scale of pay rate as well. Mostly I get paid anywhere from $2,000 at the least per month, to $7,000. So a pretty sizable ratio for sure. But, mostly it averages anywhere from $150 a day to about $300 a day.
Not to mention, I get to eat three meals a day for free. My grocery bill while I am working is next to nil.
In addition to all the above, I can quit whenever I want, and go home. Now I haven’t ever done that, but it is nice to know that I can if I desire to.
It’s not bad really. Haha. Not bad at all.
For a kid trying to pay his way for school, it is the dream. Easiest, work ever. I am not slaving away at a farm, construction, or graveyard shift at Wally-world. No. I wouldn’t ever do that again (I have done that in the past.) I can come home from a semester of school and have 0% worry that I will find some work. All the while Bob and Frank are spending half their time home looking for a job, and then getting one that pays next to nothing. Meanwhile I am kicked back, taking it easy like a king eating grapes everyday (grrr, start to get sick of them!) making about 3 times the amount.
You might be wondering what I do. If you haven’t figured it out yet, I will tell you.
I’m a Lab Rat.
Yep, who would have guessed a rodent’s work is the way to go.
Is there a catch to all of this?
Well, I will leave you to figure that one out! 

They don't make things like they used too!



I am sure that this post could very easily be seen as controversial, disliked, or even hotly disagreed with. But oh well, such is life. Also, it’s My blog right?
Furthermore, I don't claim to be an authority on anything of what I say, or disclose. It is purely my opinion, so take it as such.
They don't make things like they used too! You are probably thinking, "What are you talking about?" Well I will tell you.
We live in the 21st Century. It is a time of great technology and information. We live in an era when the whole world is connected by an invisible force greater than any physical one. Some may call it the Internet, others our advanced vehicles of transportation. Whatever it might be, we are no longer single pieces on the chess board of life. All are players, and if every piece doesn’t act in unity with the other others on the board, the Queen gets killed, and the King gets check mated. Never in the entire World’s existence was a pawn so highly regarded for its value on the battle field.
Human rights issues, and sexist issues are at the peak of resolution, and the arts and sciences have reached uncharted horizons. The 21st Century well could be named the age of discovery, of expansion, of universal aims, or of galactic enterprise.
And yet for all of our intellectualism, advancements, and sophistry we have seriously digressed in many ways back 80, 70 or 60 years. In some extreme cases even to the days of Antiquity. You might ask, “In what ways?”
Well I will tell you.
I am a lover of old classic movies. Black and white’s, and colors up to the 60’s. Back then the movies were all about the characters, the drama, the plot, the dynamics of good story and the human heart. It was about how love, family, and goodness will always triumph in the face of war and evil.
But those days of art and film are gone. They are more than buried under six feet of cold life sucking earth.
What do we have now? We have life and film literally polluted by extreme nudity, wild and unsacred sexual behavior flaunting itself for all to see. We have glorified the players of drugs, vandalism and gangs as if that way of life should be commemorated in some kind of hall of fame. We have become so desensitized to the level of ancient gladiatorial proportions, in regard to the different ways you can torture, mangle, or kill the human soul. All of these things and many more are a sign woeful digression.
In regards to just film in general. Like I said before, film in the old days was about character. Now, well the characters and actors take a seat back stage: graphics and visual effects have become the forefront of the movie experience. Visual effects to me are just like makeup: its purpose is to be used to Enhance or bring attention to an already existing feature. Not BE the thing itself. (makeup and everything that goes with it is a whole different story itself.) So now, visual effects are no longer a balanced piece of the pie; they almost are the pie.
TV shows are the same.
Cartoons are no exception!
Video games...wow how they have changed!
They don’t make things like they used too!
Enough about film.
There are other things in which we have digressed. Namely the quality of products. Yes, I said quality. That word is almost extinct in the world today when it comes to products of any kind. We live in a time when it quantity is the new quality.
So some of the things that could be named under this category would be electronics, furniture, cars, houses, cookware, tools, and food etc.
Back in the old days of cell phones, they actually worked as a phone. I remember the old razers. That was a simple, nice, easy to work phone. You could drop it and it wouldn’t brake. Now days, your $800 phone doesn’t even work all that well as a phone. And if you drop it..well 8 times out of 10 it is toast. They don’t make things like they used too!
I remember jumping on beds as a kid. You COULD jump on the bed then. Not now, you’d break it. That is the same with tables, chairs, desks, the works. They aren’t strong and of good quality anymore. Every 3-5 years you have to go get a new couch or something. Thy don’t make things like they used too!
Cars used to go and go and go forever! It was normal to get 200,000 thousand miles out of a vehicle. Not now. That is the top of the line. Back in the 50-70’s cars were made of tough steal, and could take a you all the way through a wild, or the learning teenage years. Now, well you can barely nick it against something, before the whole thing crumbles like a napkin. It seems to me that cars are made out of tin rather than steal. I may be exaggerating somewhat, but in principle I am right. They don’t make things like they used too!
Houses used to be made with material that weathered the storms of mother nature. They were built to be a home; not some kind of big strong tent. I have done some construction in my life. I am here to tell you that the old stuff was a LOT stronger. I remember having to rip and demolish  a bathroom, walls, and flooring in an old Victorian New England house built in the early 1800’s. I can honestly say it was one of the hardest jobs I have had to do. One week later, I was doing the exactly same to a house that was built in 2005. I got done so much faster.. days faster. Yes not hours, days! They don’t make things like they used too!
My mom has this set of pans and cookware that she got when she first got married almost 30 years ago. We still use them every day in our house back home. When I was in college, I used a pretty new set of pans for one semester. Those pans that I used for 3 ½ months looked worse than the ones my mom has used for 30 years! (Some may think, “Well of course, you were in college. You didn’t take care of them, you used and abused them.” Well, no, I didn’t. I kept them clean, put them away, and was kind to them.) They don’t make things like they used too!
 Screw drivers, hammers, saws, old electric power tools, shovels, gardening tools and anything else you can think of. Even twenty years ago they were better than they are now. The advancement of years has not been kind to these products. Go get a normal good hammer from 20 years ago, and then get one that is new. See the difference. Need I saw more? They don’t make things like they used too!
Microwaved mac and cheese, white bread, instant dinners from Walmart, pop tarts, soda, sugar loaded cold cereal, and 18 oz steaks! In so many ways we have lost and seriously compromised our eating habits and quality of food. Home cooked meals are becoming a thing of history, while Doritos and a coke is becoming life’s daily staple. Where is the homemade bread, the amazing pasta dishes, the tasty salads, the bake potatoes, the awesome fruit salads? For many, years in the past. They don’t make things like they used too!
Finally (I could say more, but I won’t) there is education. In more modern times yes I agree that more people get to be educated. I understand that more information is available than at any other time. But we have digressed in our ability to both learn, and compute that information. And this is a relatively new thing. Even in the 1950’s people could do and know, and use things that many if not all of us can’t even come close to be able to do. Our technology is both expanding us to new horizons, while crippling us in the old. For example, back in the 50’s kids could do math in their heads. And pretty complicated math mind you. Now, we can’t even get passed basic algebra without a calculator. Kids could write by hand very well, cursive and other nice forms of hand writing. If a teacher wrote on the board in cursive at a high school, at least 40% or more would have a super hard time reading it, and about 25% of them couldn’t read it at all to begin with. Might as well write in Russian on the board. Retention is WAY down. In days of antiquity, men and woman could memorize thousands of pages worth of texts, and use it on demand. Now, we can barely get passed our pledge of allegiance and national anthem. They don’t make things like they used too!
For my readers, I would have you know that I am not a pessimist at all. I actually love the world I live in today. I am so thankful I live at this time, and have the opportunities that I have. This IS the age of opportunity! But so many (including myself sometimes) don’t seem to care, or to even use what we have.

It just surprises me how much we have advanced in so many way, but seemed to equally digressed a the same time. Maybe that is the story of mortality, I don’t know.
The world just isn’t what it used to be.
For bad or good.
Let’s just hope that we will be able to hold onto the good things, and keep the same today, yesterday and forever!

Sunday, March 10, 2013

The choice of maturity

I have never done a blog before. I find it interesting how so many people do it. I have been curious to see what it is like.

I have been thinking a lot how in life, how much of a choice it is to learn and to grow. That learning and growing don't JUST happen all by themselves as a matter of course.  

When I was a kid, I remember thinking more than once that adults don't have any problems.  (HA! Oh just to think of it now.) That they all get along, and that they just know how to deal with things. Haha, you may laugh at how naive that sounds, but honestly that is what I thought. 

As I have aged and lived, and come upon the road of maturity almost unawares, it is intriguing to me to find that my childhood perspective was not only wrong, but grossly wrong! 

In my different journey's from here to there, and from there to here I have found to my displeasure that so many good people, good men and woman are not even that to begin with---Men and Women. For whatever reason, they have chosen not to develop themselves into a man or a woman, but have chosen to live a life of complacency, of idle indulgence, of childish fantasies and youthful whims. 

Now of course there is nothing wrong with being humble, kind, loving, and youthful in attitude and character. Many people say, "I am a kid at heart." Well I say to that, "Yes, so am I." But often, I have found that many who say those things only do in order to provide an excuse for their bad, careless, or undisciplined behavior. As if by merely stating the fact, it will make everything okay. All ill, or wrongful words and actions are now legitimized by the appeal to child like youth. I do realize this is not always the case. 

It is a sad sight indeed to see the 20, 30, 40, 50 and yes even 60+ aged people, still beholden and ruled by the High Chair of desire and impatience. Like a toddler thrashing around his pasta, and throwing it on the floor because he doesn't want it anymore. 

Life is about choices. LEARNING TO LEARN, and thereby Growing from that knowledge. 
I love kids. I want to have many of my own. But I don't love 50 year old 2 year old tantrums. No, no I don't like that at all.

There is a difference from being child like, than childish. It's simple really. It's a choice.